Induction on day one of your new job

Ever thought what it is like joining a start up ? read on this captures your first day at a start up company, slightly tongue in cheek but it gives a good impression of what to expect, forget the complex induction procedures or the soft start, it's hit the road running and in top gear or ............

Welcome to Day One of your New Startup Job
Welcome to the first day of your new startup job! We're so excited that you've decided to be part of our venture. You're going to find that compared to your old job at a big, stodgy corporation, a startup is a totally different world.
To get you acclimated to the change, let me walk you through the perks and benefits of your new job while you settle in.

We have a Premium Coffee Service
Oh, you want to know where the coffee is?
We have an amazing service that offers premium coffees and a full assortment of cakes and snacks. It's called Starbucks, and it's conveniently located two blocks down the street. They aren't around as early or late as we are, but if you can use the service, I would highly recommend it.

Your New Computer is Already Configured
No need to worry about setting up your new computer, you already own it. It's the laptop you brought from home. The great news is that you won't need to waste any time configuring your email client or figuring out your new bookmarks.
What's even better is you are free to take it home with you and work throughout the entire weekend like the rest of us are going to.

Your Phone Number is Easy to Remember
In addition to your computer, your direct phone line is already set up. As it happens, you already know the number because it's the same as your cell phone number. Why bother adding additional lines with money we don't have when you have a perfectly good phone on you at all times?

You Now have Three Assistants
Maybe your last company thought you only needed one full-time assistant to handle your inbound calls, your calendar and your entire travel schedule. At our startup, we've got three. Their names are Outlook, Treo, and Expedia.
Between the three of them they will handle all of the work that you thought only one full-time person could handle before. They will always be available to you and will never complain. Feel free to use them as much as you see fit.

You Set your own Travel Budget
No need to fill out any requisitions for travel or any expense reports. We're too innovative to worry about all that paperwork. In fact, you can pretty much tell us what your travel budget is going to be. After all, it's dictated by how much cash you have in your wallet and how much gas you have in your car. Assuming those two are full, you can go as far as they will take you.

Take as much Vacation as You Want
Not only do we not worry about travel budgets, we don't even budget for vacation. Sure, your last company made you count the number of sick days you had available and kept you from taking as much time as you really needed. We're the exact opposite you can take off as much time as you need and never worry about it.
While you're planning that vacation, remember that we're working Monday through Sunday from sunrise to sundown. None of us have taken time off in the last three years, but we'd be thrilled to see you take a two-week siesta to relax after you've been hard at work for three months in a row.

Our Hours are Super Flexible
Aside from not tracking vacation, we don't even track when you come or go. Maybe your last boss was looking at his watch when you showed up fifteen minutes late. Not us! We don't care what time you show up or what time you leave. So long as you're working every waking moment of every day of the week, the hours are totally up to you.
We don't care if you come in on Sunday at 8:00 AM or 1:00 PM. We're just so focused on getting this startup off the ground we can't worry about things like normal business hours. Some of us haven't slept in the last day and a half so we've lost track of time altogether.

You Call the Shots
We're not about telling you what to do. That's why we hired you, because we knew you were tired of having your boss lead you around like a puppy. At our new startup, you get to make your own schedule and call all of the shots. We hired you because we knew you wanted this type of responsibility, and now you've got it!

I'm sure by now you're thinking this is simply nirvana. Not only do you get to run your own show, set your own schedule and enjoy all of the perks of a startup, you also get the opportunity to strike it rich with your new stock options.
Just don't forget that you really aren't going to get paid in cash this week. Or next week. Or next month. Isn't a startup great?

from an article by Wil Schroter, CEO and start up guru